Uncomfortable Growth

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About a year ago I found myself standing inside a church and the pastor giving me a direct message. He said to me “Marcy you have a giving heart, and because of that you will be able to connect with so many people, and help young girls struggling with life issue. God see’s that you are not after the money”

I got away from that message, and started focusing on numbers, algorithms, outfits and pictures.  This only led to me becoming frustrated with how my blog was going.  I felt as though I needed  to do more. For me posting outfits just isn’t enough. My calling is much bigger than what I am wearing.  I am uncomfortable operating in a limted space. Then “remember the message” popped into my head. 

This is what led to me venting on Social Media last week.  You know, when I publicly proclaimed that my social media platforms would be a place of self reflection and self care.  That I would no longer be posting about what brand of clothing I was wearing. But, more about how I felt and why I put my best foot forward. Hopefully, the people who are here for that message stick around and others move on to find a better home more suitable to their needs. 

What’s crazy is that as soon as I made that declaration, God began releasing my blessings. As if he was waiting for me to see what he has always seen in me. And get this, the opportunities were bigger than what I dreamt of doing, but still in line with my message of body positivity, self love, and self care. It feels better to chase after happiness and not a check. It’s took me a while to understand that, but I finally got it! 

Be blessed.  

What I Wore to See Black Panther

I‘ve been waiting on the movie Black Panther to be released in theaters ever since the cast and directed was announced. I know how I am not the only one, especially looking at these box office numbers. According to Forbes Black Panther made  $75.8 million opening day, and will likely earn $175-$185m Fri-Sun weekend and a $205-$215m if you include Monday potential sales. 

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If you are like me you have been living for all of the ig post capturing the outfits that our people are wearing to see the film.  I decided to put my own little spin on the movement. Instead of the African prints, I went with an Black Revolutionary vibe with this dress from Fashion Nova’ s Curve and these boots from Aldo. Because, isn’t that sorta what’s happening now? 

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I personally, that we are being unapologetically Black. We are showing the world how we as a people will show up and show out (as of Uncles and Aunties would say) if need be. We have been openly enbracing our blackness, and I am loving it. Yes, we as black people are Reclaiming Our Time. 

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Let this be a true testament to the power of numbers, and what could happen when we really decide to stick together. 

When Fashion and History Collide

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I love history. I love fashion. When these worlds collide, I have to be in the building. Last year, I attended the Cleveland Museum of Art’s exhibit on the Jazz Age and the Western Historical Reserve Society’s 150th-anniversary party. So it shouldn’t surprise you that Saturday night, I attended Somewhere in Time: Satin & Soot, a tribute to 1870s Cleveland at the Western Reserve Historical Society.

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The obvious elephant in the room: the 1870s wasn’t a great time to be black. Sure slavery was technically over, but... That reality was not lost on me or the other party goers. People went out of their way to make us feel included “this time around.” By the end of the night, I blocked it out and enjoyed the evening. With help from the open bar, of course.

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Walking around the event was like walking through time. There were so many elaborate and well-executed costumes; ranging from Victorian to Steampunk to vixens. I had a great time taking it all in.

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The event was the perfect way to kick off this year in fashion and it made me wonder if I should combine my love of history and fashion for the blog. Would you guys be into it if I posted a weekly historical fashion fact? Let me know in the comments.

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It’s Time to Write

 

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I know, I know. It’s been a minute. Before you chew my head off, let me explain. I took time off blogging to focus on how I can better be of assistance to you. So while it seems I’ve let things slip around here, with every turn and decision, I aimed to create better content for you.

 

What did I do while I was away? Took private makeup classes. Also took a photography class to improve those pictures you all love so much. I did several interviews to get my name and brand out there to reach more ladies and gents like you. Annnnnnnd *drum roll please* I bought equipment and set up my filming room for my new YouTube channel. Yes! I’m finally doing it!

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Makeup class with @freshfacenessa_mua 

Of all the projects I worked on during my time off, I am most excited about the YouTube channel. I think this will help you get to know me better and encourage more interaction with you all.

 

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 Photography class with @kamron_khan 

Photography class with @kamron_khan 

One more thing that happened in the last year? I was in a failed relationship. If you want to know more about it, let me know in the comments. I’m happy to share if my story can help someone else.

Stay tuned for consistent blogging from me.

In the meantime, check out some of the interviews and guest spots I did in my absence.

 

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The interview I did for the Lunges to Lipstick blog  

https://www.thestilettosociety.com/diary-of-an-undercoverfashionista 

Evening at the Museum

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Let me start by first telling you how big a fan I am of history and fashion, when the two are combined I am in absolute heaven. Last week I recieved an invite to the Cleveland Museum Of Art's Media Day Event for the Jazz Age Exhibit. Media Day allows influencer, bloggers, writers to come out and check out the exhibit before it opens to the public on September 30th. This was my first invitation to one of these events, so you can imagine how excited I became. 

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The event had an open bar, but that of course wasn't the best part, not even close. To me, the best part was walking into the exhibit, and feeling like I was taking a step back into time. You know, where life was a little bit slower, and people had time to love and appreciate their surroundings. I would always hear my grandmother telling tales about what it was like growing up on the Roaring 20's, and I could remember wishing I had a chance to experience it. Well last night I did! 

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The vibe of the 1920s was the ever so present Asia theme that ran through the exhibit. You could definitely tell that designers of that era were heavily influenced by China and Japan, with some Egyptian and African inspiration sprinkled here and there. 

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The exhibit showcased American Style from the 1920s to around the early 1930s. Everything was amazing, from the vintage dresses, to the head pieces, and furniture. You can definitely tell from the exhibit that it was a time when people took pride in the craftsmanship of their work. Every piece took time to put together. Everything appeared to be made with love. Very opposite of what we see today with everything being mass-produced. 

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I will highly recommend that if you are a lover of history and fashion, like myself, that you go and check see this exhibit. You won't be let down.  

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At this time I would like to extend a thank you to the Cleveland Museum of Art for the invite.

Dawn Dance Weekend 2017

What is Dawn Dance you ask? My alma mater's annual weekend where alumni to reconnect with campus and old classmates through a series of social events.

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My college experience was kind of unique. I attended college with my two sisters and two childhood friends, and a friend we met down there, but instantly became my sister, so you could say we had our own form of a sisterhood. We were all beautiful, fly, smart, party animals, and everyone wanted to be around us. And boy, did we party.

 From left to right: Me, Robin, Christine, Sharon, and Ericka (Staci not pictured because she worked a lot lol)  

From left to right: Me, Robin, Christine, Sharon, and Ericka (Staci not pictured because she worked a lot lol)  

 There's Staci  

There's Staci  

On the other hand, I dealt with insecurities about my body, my self-worth, and self-esteem because I was surrounded by beautiful people. At times I would sink into the background and let them have the spotlight. As a result, I fell for the wrong boy, and continued an unhealthy relationship with him, on the low, my entire college career and even for a few years after graduation. The fact that it was on the low only added to questioning my self-worth.

I'd struggled with these issues for most of my life, but they magnified in college. I started this blogging journey to get over how I felt about myself at school. Going back required me to face and make peace with the past since I'm no longer that person.

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This was my first time back in about seven years, and because of the work I did on myself I was able to really enjoy my friends, and laugh at the memories of walking around campus. Like the time a dude tried to "diss" me on a mixtape, or the time my girls and I threw one of the craziest parties in WU history that almost got us kicked out, taping the answers to a water bottle to cheat on an exam, and the time we hung out with the VP of the college blasting Mariah Carey's The Emancipation of Mimi album. And when a dude tapped my arm at the party to ask if I could tap my friend for him, I laughed, moved to the side, and watched her rip him a new one. No comparing. No tears.

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 The infamous House Party  

The infamous House Party  

Overall, it was a cool little girls' trip with my old college roommates/sisters. We connected with old faces, met some new people, drank, and partied like we were in our 20's again. (Even though there were factors around us that quickly told us that we weren't--like our creaky knees and the mumble rap that all the DJs would play) Most important, I walked away feeling free!

 Dawn Dance 2017

Dawn Dance 2017

For once, I embraced my style, played by my own rules, and socialized on my own terms. I got to see the school for what it was--a place of peace in the middle of the corn fields--without being clouded by my insecurities.

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Dawn Dance 2017

 Dawn Dance 2017

Dawn Dance 2017

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Writing this as I drive away from the school heading back to the real world.

 

 

The Switch Up - My Take on a Anti-Valentines Day Look

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I typically do a Valentines Day look, but I just wasn't feeling it this year, so this week I have traded in my heels for these Superstar Adidas. I paired theses shoes with some Adidas Track pants, an Adidas thermal and a denim jacket.

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I am using my heel's hiatus to test out the "sport chic" trend, to see if this is something I would start incorporating into my wardrobe, and so far I must say I am loving it. My feet are loving it as well.  

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Marcia Vs The Undercoverfashionista

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Somewhere in the world there is a girl staring at herself in mirror, and measuring herself against a person she saw on the internet. Wondering why her lips aren't bigger, why she doesn't have the money to buy expensive things, is she pretty. I am here to shed some light on what really happens once the camera is shut off, and to let you know you are not alone in this struggle.  

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I deal with this constantly: seeing others achieve their goals; buying themselves nice things; confident in their bodies all the time; traveling the world. Meanwhile, I feel like I am stuck at Start. 

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When these feelings arise I remind myself "All of it isn't real."  The majority of the time people are showing what they want you to see. Oh, they'll show you them buying clothes, going out to dinner, but what about those nights spent crying on the bathroom floor wondering "Am I good enough?" This is the kind of night I am having right now. Less than one hour ago I put up a post about getting my nails done.

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I want you to understand that no one is perfect. All of what you see on these social media outlet are illusions. Trust me, you will wear yourself out if you try to keep up with it. So stop. Breathe. Do you, and I will do a better job at keeping it real, promise.

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Somewhere in the world there's a girl staring herself in the mirror. Looking at the image reflecting back at her, appearing to be in deep thought. Asking herself "Am I Enough" and I whisper back "Yes!" How I wish she could hear me. 

Identity Crisis and a Funny Story

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Confession Time: I use to hate being of a darker complexion. Especially when I consistently received comments like "you would look way better if you were light skin" "why are your parents and sister light and you dark" or just flat out "dang you black" I would look at my sister, who is pretty fair skin, and wonder why I too wasn't born of her complexion.

 

Over the years I have grown to love my skin I'm in, and would not wish to be anything other than who I am today a proud darkskin girl 

 

Funny story Time:

 

Whats even more funny to me, is when shopping for makeup I just measured myself against ericka and my friends who are all light, and said MARCY you are dark, so just find the dark foundations and that should match. It's wasn't until recently that I realized that I wasn't as dark as I thought.

 

I would go to the store and was reach for the darkest shades the store carried, and would curse the brand for not carrying one that matched me. Never once did I consider " hey Marcy maybe you are not that dark".

 

Well one day I was accidentally sent a lighter foundation to test out, and I mixed it with a darker foundation, ran out of the darker one, and was attempting to find another dark shade to mix, but decided hey let me just try light shade by itself. And it was indeed my perfect match, and I went "ahhh". To think, I use to curse the brand for not carrying one that matched me. Never once did I consider " hey Marcy maybe you are not that dark".

When you are fed something for so long you tend to believe it. Let's start correcting our thoughts. Whether we are light, medium light, brown, dark brown or deep dark, we are all beautiful. 🙌🏾❤ #bodypositive #loveyourskin

Bossin' Up in 2017

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Was 2016 as draining for you as it was for me? I was overwhelmed by people and my business because I let thing linger versus nipping them in the bud.

 

I am an expert at avoiding conflict. However doing so landed me in dead-end relationships. Exhibit 1: an awkward ass, draining decade-long friendship that should have ended after the first date. Exhibit 2: leading on a dude who wanted to cheat on his girl with me because I didn't know how to say "You're a creep who needs his balls cut off."

 

In 2016, life came to a head and I was an emotional wreck. I complained to my sister:  "It's 2016 why do dudes keep coming to me on trash? You have 'Mr. I Just Want to be Friends But Question and  Spend Time with You Like You are My Girl' and 'Mr. My Girl Won't Know.'"

 

My sister's reply: "You need to boss up. Tell people how you feel. Stop worrying about whether or not you hurt their feelings. Demand people respect you." She was absolutely right. My fear of being "the bad guy" turned my emotional life into a festering pool of What the F**k. I had to get over it and cut people off.

 

When Mr. My Girl Won't Know asked what time we were meeting for our secret rendezvous, I replied: "Sorry. I respect your girl's position too much. One day I want to be someone's girl and karma is a bitch."

 

And when Mr. I Just Want to be Friends text me, I replied: "I ended this draining toxic 'friendship.' Please respect my space." Both men were shocked at my boldness, but they respected it.

 

Now that I know the respect that comes with speaking up,  I am on a Boss Up Marathon. I made bolder moves on my job that bosses noticed and will make some boss moves on my blog. Stay tuned.

 

What boss moves have you made in 2017??

 

 

 

 

My Black Friday Finds

My Black Friday started of kind of rocky, but in the end I managed to scored some pretty cool items. All of which I needed in order to build my wardrobe. This year I was pretty practical.  How did I do???

Score #1  

These burgundy over the knee boots from Fashion to Figure. They were originally $65.00, but I scored them for $41. Burgundy is my favorite color, so I had to get them. 

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Score #2

These camel colored flat over the knee boots, also from Fashion to Figure. They were originally $65, and I snagged them for $36. My sister has a pair and I have been eyeing them for the longest, but did want to pay full price. I'm cheap, I know!!! 

 

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Score #3 Two Sweaters from BooHoo (one is actually a dress, but I plan to wear it as a sweater).  They were originally $30 and I got them for $15 each.

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Score #5 

Two pay of heels from Fashion 2 Figure. I really needed a basic pair of closed in heels, and every woman should have a red shoes in closet (I did not so I had to change that) . Both were originally $47 and I purchased both for $16.50

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Bonus #6 Jeffrey Campbell Lippies  

Lip Ammunition Unicorn Blood  - Originally $18 Sale $10.44

 Velour Liquid Lipstick - Unicorn Blood - Originally $18 Sale $15.00

Velour Liquid Lipstick - Unicorn Blood - Originally $18 Sale $15.00

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My September Favorites

It's that time again. The time where I round up all of my favorites for the month of August. This month I have 5 favorite beauty products that I am loving at the moment. These are the products I reached for everyday, and will definitely be repurchasing when they run out.

1. Mario Besdescu Control Moisturizer for Oily Skin:  Per the website "This is a lightweight, non-greasy moisturizer specially formulated for oily skin. Featured are two powerful humectants—Glycerin and Panthenol (Vitamin B5)—to deliver necessary hydration without clogging pores". And it did just that! It comes with a hefty price tag $18, but it is definitely worth it.

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2. The Blotterazzi: I bought this blotter sponge due to a friends recommendation. It retails for $22 and it comes with 2 sponges. To me, this is an oily girls best friend. It comes in a plastic case which makes it easy for traveling. When you feel your face getting oily, just place the sponge on your face, and volia it's gone.

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3. Lush's Black Angel: I use this every night, and if I miss a night my skin feels like it. The scrub leaves my skin feeling clean, moisturized and soft. It gentle, so it's safe to use once a day. I highly highly recommend this product if you struggle with clogged pores like me or enlarged pores. This product retails for $12

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4. Forever 21 Maxi Dress: This dress retails for 24.00, and I definitely got my money's worth. I have been living in this coverup this spring. Everytime I have worn it, I received a ton of compliments. It breaks my heart knowing that I now have to retire it. (Insert tear)

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5. Tart Lip Scrub:  Retails for 16.00 but a little goes a long way. Before I wear any Matte lipstick, I reach for this product. It leaves your lips feeling so smooth. I highly recommend this product. 

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Let me know what are some of your September Favs

My Top 6 Halloween Costume Picks

Looking for some Halloween inspiration? Don't worry, I got you covered. Here are my top 6 picks to get you in the mood to shop for a cute costume. 

Here are my 3 picks for the people who love dressing up for Halloween:

1. A 1920's Flapper www.SpiritHalloween.com 59.00

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2. Freddy Krueger www.SpiritHalloween.com 59.99

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3. Adult Night Nurse www.SpiritHalloween.com 44.99

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Here are 3 picks for the girls who loves Halloween but is not to fond of dressing up  

1. Ariel Fitted Mermaid dress from Torrid 59.90

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 2. Suicide Squad Crop Jacket 79.00 from Torrid

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3. Star Wars Dress $39 from Torrid  

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Juvia's Place: To Purchase or Not to Purchase? That is The Question

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I had been eyeing the Juvia's Place eyeshadow palettes for some time now, after being feed up with other eyeshadow brands that didn't work for my skin tone, and being blacked owned helped too. But, I heard so many negative reviews about this brand and their terrible customer service. I was hearing that shipping took forever, palettes were being received damaged, and their return policy was pretty much non-existence. 

 But, despite all of that I still took a risk. Hey, I was desperate, can you blame me? So, I placed my order, got my confirmation number, Two days later received my "Your Order has been Shipped" email, and about 3 days later my order was delivered. 

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I held my breath as I was cutting away that packing tape and removing the peanuts that was surrounding my palette. I removed the palette from box and opened it (insert dun dun dun), and it was perfect!!!!!  

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All in all my experience with Juvia's Place was wonderful, and the eyeshadow look and feel amazing. I have no complaints about this company. I will say this, as a cunsumer you have to do research before ordering from any company, but this company gets an A+ in my book.

Facing My Body Confidence Issues, One Garment At a Time.

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Today I decided to go out into the world baring my midriff.

This is the second time I've done so and both times, I felt free. I shed a layer of insecurity every time I throw caution to the wind and show my midsection. I can't wait for the day I'm no longer anxious about wearing a crop top--when I don't think twice about it at all. One day I will just reach for it, put it on, and strut out the door. 

Do you have any special pieces that help you embrace fearlessness? Tell me about them in the comments.

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My July Favorites

This month I have 6 favorite beauty products that I am loving at the moment. These are the products I reached for everyday, and will definitely repurchase when they run out.

1. The Beauty Blender Sponge: where have you been all of my life? This sponge retails at 20.00, which is pretty expensive for a sponge, but it blends out your foundation and concealer so well. Had me thinking I was a pro lol.

 Retails for 20.00 at Sephora  

Retails for 20.00 at Sephora  

2.  Graniers Micellar Water: I have replaced my Makeup Remover wipes with this product. For about 6.99 you get 13.5 fl oz of product, and you only need a few little drops on a cotton pad. Glide the pad over your face and voila your makeup is gone. It doesn't leave my face feeling greasy like some makeup remover wipe can do. FYI this doesn't take the place of you washing your face.

 Retails for 6.99 at Target

Retails for 6.99 at Target

3. Black Radiance BB cream: This product for me has been my Holy Gail this summer. Recently I tried to switch products, but I kept coming back to this product. The reason being is because my skin hates makeup in the summer, if it even feels like make up is on my face I get sweaty, like my skin is preforming an exorcist.  But this product feels like I'm wearing nothing.  Now, I must tell you that my skin is oily, so I wouldn't recommend you purchase a bb cream unless it has some oil absorbing properties. I'm just letting you that if your skin is like mine, and you typically sweat a lot in the summer, and you don't mind blotting around the 5 hour mark, maybe you should look into a bb cream.

 Retails for 4.73 at Walmart 

Retails for 4.73 at Walmart 

4. Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray: Let us just have a moment of silence for the product....thank you. I have been trying to upgrade my makeup game, and with the help of a beauty expert aka co-worker who knows a ton about makeup, I recently made the switch from Elf's setting spray to this one, and it changed my life. Keeps my makeup in place all zamn day. Trust. Me. On. This. it will change your makeup game and your life. 

 Retails for 33 / smaller size 14.00 at Sephora 

Retails for 33 / smaller size 14.00 at Sephora 

5. Botanics Rosewater Toning Spritz: I use this spray at night after I cleanse my face. I give my face couple of pumps, let it dry and then apply my moisturizer. The next morning my skins feels nice and hydrated, and my makeup applies like a dream.

 Retails at 8.39 at Target  

Retails at 8.39 at Target  

5. Rimmel Stay Matte Primer: despite the negative reviews I have read, I personally love this stuff. Maybe it's because I switched from Cover Fx primer which was horrible, to this which is fairly better. Although I am still on the looking out for my "Holy Grail" primer (taking suggesting)  this primer helped my through some of the hotter months, so it gets my respect. 

 Retails for 6.99 at Walgreens  

Retails for 6.99 at Walgreens  

If you liked this blog post and would like to see more of my monthly favs, be sure to like this post.

Trusting the Journey

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When I began to blog about my journey of self-discovery and self-love, I did so with doubt. I doubted if anyone would listen to what I had to say. But I kept feeling this push from God, so I put my doubt aside and started. 

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Well, here I am a year and a half later, and I cannot even put into words how much this journey has helped me. I started out by saying I am writing for me, and if anyone else reads it and gets something from it, great!!

What I didn't expect was the amount of new friends I would meet, and the amount of emails, texts and dms I would receive from women telling me how much my blog has helped them in their personal life. By me being so open and honest about my daily struggles with body and confidence issues, help others to face their own. 

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My plan for the future is to continue living out loud and showing other women that the process of stripping off layers of self hate can be painful, but victorious. I hope the women that I have reached continue on their journey, and new women begin joining them.

 "I love all that I am, just as I am" - Unknown 

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Rebel with a Cause

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Dress by Forever 21 Plus

 

While on vacation in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago, I got a Tarot card reading. I agreed with the readers’ insights (I had two, because my life is complicated and both felt compelled to interpret my cards) until one went off script and gave me fashion advice.

 

 

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"I think you are a very beautiful girl, but you shouldn't wear a dress with a busy print, it makes you look bigger." Normally, I would let this slide, but three minutes prior she told to “be more assertive,” "believe in myself," and "not be a door mat.” It was only right I put her advice to the test. I looked her in the eye and said "I appreciate the advice, but I wear what I like. Not what ‘people’ think is acceptable." She respected that. I continued, "I'm big and everybody out here knows it. There’s nothing wrong with appearing bigger. My fashion motto is ‘just do it’.” 

 

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How's that for being assertive and being not being a doormat?

 

I walked away proud of my busy dress, because it goes against society. I decided to wear it in spite of the “big girl fashion rules.” I felt like a rebel.

 

 

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I enjoyed my Tarot readings, so I’m not bashing the reader. On your journey to self-discovery and self-love, you’ll come up against society’s ideas about how you dress and look. Everyone won’t love the bolder, more empowered you, but don’t let their doubts derail you. As long as you are not killing or hurting yourself, you right girl!!!


Until next time, wear whatever makes you feel good.

 

 

A Conversation about my Breast

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A few weeks ago I attended the Flying Farms Annual Charity event hosted by Abercrombie and Fitch in Columbus.

Towards the end of the event, after the drinks started to flow, the food had been served, I found myself alone at a table watching the live band play. I was approached by a woman, and before I knew it we were engaged in a very deep conversation about my breast.

Ok, now I know what you are thinking, but it was nothing like that. Turns out she is Patty Beigal the Senior VP of the International Division of Victoria Secret. See, totally legit!

The topic of my breast came up in the conversation after she asked me if I shopped at Victoria Secret and my response was "Nope!". She asked "why?".

Now this is where all of you popped into my mind, and I had to speak on behalf of you. So, I cleared my throat and voiced my opinion, and I'm assuming some of yours as well. I told her when its time for me to go bra shopping I tend to go to the first place that pop into my head: Torrid, Lane Bryant, and a Department store. I do not bother with looking in Victoria Secrets, because your stores does not cater to plus size women. I don't know why, its seems like you would want to cater to that market, you know because of the whole plus size movement.

Patty's response to me was, and I am paraphrasing here "we do cater to the plus size women, you might not know that, but we do. We are trying our best to pull in those plus size shoppers. We even offer free bras to mothers on Mother's Day."

Because I do not shop at Victoria Secrets. I had to go home and do a little more research. I dug deep, and by digging deep I mean I pulled up their website and search under "Bras"lol.

Here are my findings, the largest bra that Victoria Secret offers is a 38 DDD. Yes, this is considered plus size, but what about me? The 44 DDD girls! We plus size girls would like to look sexy. We plus girls want to go skipping done the mall corridor swinging our pink Victoria Secrets bags. Please try harder to cater to us.

I don't know what made her wander over to my table, but hopelly my voice was heard, and later she will wander across this post, and take notice. Hopefully this doesn't just fall on deaf ears. So maybe one day in the near future I will be sitting at a table alone, and sale rep from Victoria Secrets wonders up to my table. And when asked the question "Do you shop at Victoria Secrets?" My answer will be "Why yes I do!"